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WC: 1128

 


3

     A nine year old barely knows anything. We’re still trying to figure out about a lot of things: the latest episode of Boy Meets World, leveling up our charmander Pokémon, and different ways to actually become a Spice Girl. However elementary school consumed most of our lives…fourth grade was a huge step; I mean it was only one more year and we’d be an actual middle-schooler. To think back to when I was that little, kind of hurts my brain; but there’s one memory that has been burned into the back of my head since then. It’s this really fond thought, we were just given an assignment; come up with your own alien, and draw it on this huge piece of construction paper. I was stoked; I had my 24 set of crayons with me…and the only thing bothering me was the fact that Austin who was across from my table was boasting his 64 pack. With colors like Macaroni and cheese and Tickle Me Pink. I didn’t really mind, I just started coloring away, forcing out a creature that lived on Mars, with checkered feet and a polka dot cloud body. My teacher made her rounds, checking everyone’s works of art, and she stopped abruptly at mine. She stared at it, examining it, and then pulled a seat up to me. She pointed to my smudged and smeared construction paper, and opened her mouth to tell me what she, well what I hoped, liked about it. This shocked me. She started commenting on my work, how it looked like a regular animal, not like an alien. I wasn’t trying anything ‘new’ and it was becoming a ‘dog’ like creature, or some type of a ‘sheep’. I stared at it, seeing my creation fall to pieces. I took my pencil and turned it upside down, and began to erase a line or two; feeling the tears well up in my eyes like I had done something completely wrong. Because in my mind, I did do something completely wrong.


1

            Within Elbow’s preface from “Writing Without Teachers”, he states that “it is possible to be a student and not have a teacher.” That a student can learn something without having a teacher there to guide them, to learn and to not be taught. I can agree with Elbow to an extent. I agree that there may be some circumstances where you don’t need a teacher to be taught something excessively. However you cannot have an illegitimate classroom without a teacher. In my writing courses throughout my education career, I did the same thing, every assignment. I would have to have my work organized; in some type of a style that my teacher forced upon the students because we all knew that it was easier for them to grade such papers. Introduce your topic, create a thesis, indicate details and then lay out your examples. Don’t forget those awful ‘transition’ words that were supposed to make your paper flow just the right way. My grade would consider the way I organized my writing, and also my grammar and how well I could write on a topic. In a college or university institute, it was almost aware that my grade would consist of how well I could come up with a topic, or how well I could style my work. I didn’t see this in College composition, but inside the course, “College Research Paper”, I was constantly aware of my mistakes. This wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. My teacher was great, and was a true teacher because she didn’t expand on how “badly” we did, but how we could improve our writing. What would push us further to do better? That is how I would define a teacher. The power, or the authority over the students, there to help guide us, to help show us ways to improve ourselves, and our skills.


1

     In my experience, my teacher, the leader or the authority of the classroom, made a mistake. In my case, I had every right to interpret the project (alien creation), in any way I needed to. So what if my alien turned into some type of sheep? To me, that was an alien. My teacher wasn’t in her position as a teacher at that time. I believe that within an academic classroom, there needs to be some sort of a leader in all of the chaotic messes academic students tend to explore. Elbow exposes that “if the student’s function is to learn and the teacher’s to teach, then the student can function without a teacher, but the teacher cannot function without a student.” An agreeable statement. However this results in a typical yet unsatisfying question: What came first, the student or the teacher? To me, a teacher’s role in a classroom should be the authority to not take control, but to help guide the students into a state of control. Push the students into the right direction, but don’t force anything. Students interpret everything differently, even from each other. So there is no way, or position for a teacher to even begin to force a direction to a student, or push an idea onto someone else’s beliefs. That is where the job of teaching ends and the career of preaching begins.


1

     Obviously there is no end to this debate. I feel like the teacher’s position has actually been blurred, and needs to be reinstated somewhere. Elbow has a great idea about teachers, and he exposes the teacher to be almost like a “lost soul”, like there is no real teacher out there. It feels like he is trying to itch at something else; maybe we are all students. The question: what came first, the teacher or the student, makes it seem like the teacher did come first; who was the first person to decide to ‘teach’ something of another’s interest? This would go on forever.


2

     What I have figured out, and have thought of throughout all of this has been this: Teachers were once students, who still are students. Students can, and will still learn without teachers on many different levels of educating. However, teachers can show you, or help demonstrate certain aspects of education when students cannot self educate themselves. My teacher didn’t have the right to stifle my creativity because her role in the beginning was to help me, or to push me into a students’ best effort, not how to stop my ideas to turn them into something that would ‘work’ for her. The teacher has to stabilize something inside the academic classroom, however it cannot be the ideas and efforts the students set forth, but more or less the student’s ability to set forth these ideas and efforts.

Posted by helen23 on September 15, 2008
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Total comments on this page: 38

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Monte on whole page :

Helen,

Thanks for sharing this. I would have loved to see this infamous alien. I really enjoyed how this childhood experience parallels current classroom conditions. Instead of being completely dry, you gave us a reason to believe in enhancing the student-teacher relationship through a narrative we can nearly all relate to. You weren’t too wordy and firmly established your point and the overall readability. My only concern is how the first paragraph is introduced into the rest of the paper (see above for details).
-Monte

September 15, 2008 11:10 am
Monte on paragraph -1:

I really enjoy the 90’s cultural references in this paragraph. It successfully draws the reader into your essay. After reading this paragraph, I was able to understand how it segued into the rest of the piece, but when I started it I was hoping for more of an introduction so I knew what to expect.

September 15, 2008 11:12 am
mjanel02 on paragraph -1:

I really like the way you integrated your own personal experience to show the benefits of a Elbowian classroom. This helps show the reader exactly Elbows meaning in the teacher less classroom.

September 15, 2008 1:13 pm
mjanel02 on paragraph -1:

I like how you brought back in your earlier story to show what you feel your teacher was doing wrong. I’m not sure I understand the sentence “My teacher wasn’t in her position as a teacher at that time.”

September 15, 2008 1:18 pm
illaria :

I don’t understand that sentence either. Perhaps you could clarify the meaning of what your teacher was.

September 16, 2008 12:18 pm
mjanel02 on whole page :

Helen,
I really like your essay. The personal experience that you put in it helps the reader understand your feelings on Elbow. I just question what you feel the teacher should actually do. You say that the job of the teacher should be to “stabalize something,” but I’m not sure I understand what you mean as something.
Thanks very much for sharing your paper with me.
Best,
Melissa L.

September 15, 2008 1:22 pm
bvaldez1988 on paragraph 3:

Excellent paragraph. Really vivid imagery and I really liked the anecdote you included!
Beatriz

September 16, 2008 7:59 am
bvaldez1988 on paragraph -1:

The last paragraph was great, it tied the idea of the alien artwork and the teacherless class room well.

September 16, 2008 8:04 am
bvaldez1988 on whole page :

Helen,
I enjoyed reading your paper! It had so much humor and it didn’t feel like I had to go into a different mind set to read it! You included a funny anecdote, you tackled elbow’s theory, all while defeding your argument. Nice paper.
Thanks for sharing your paper with me!
Beatriz V

September 16, 2008 8:05 am
Lindsey Y on whole page :

Helen,

I liked reading this essay mainly because a lot of the sentences were clear and to the point. I also liked how in each point that you made about writing in the classroom, you were able to bring in a part of your personality and voice, allowing me to feel connected towards your experiences in a classroom throughout various stages of your life. Thank you for letting me read this paper.

Lindsey Y

September 16, 2008 9:07 am
arcite on whole page :

Helen,
My charmander was the coolest in the school and the fact that one of my classmates wanted to become pumpkin spice brings a smile on my face. Your paper is very fluid. From the intro to conclusion, the paper stays strong and you even incorporate an example of your argument into the intro.
what you could do to improve the paper is to incorporate the opposing argument into the paper and show us how it stands against your argument.

-Dan.

September 16, 2008 10:30 am
Kyle on paragraph 5:

I really liked how you organized this paragraph. The quote comes in perfectly, and the whole “teacher or the student/chicken or the egg” part sounded very nice.

September 16, 2008 10:37 am
Kristin on paragraph 3:

Helen-
Thank you for sharing this! I really enjoyed your essay and how you brought out the good and bad points in Elbow’s classroom theory. Your personal experience really brought out a strong introduction, but it was not as clear as I would have hoped. However, the end paragraph was excellent, with the fact that a teacher was once a student and will alwauys be a student, so the question of “which came first? The teacher or the Student?” was a great question to have going throughout the piece.
I look forward to reading more of your work!!
–Kristin
nuge5901@bears.unco.edu

September 16, 2008 11:17 am
Mitchell Woll on paragraph 1:

Helen -
This is one of the few times I’ve ever seen an anecdote actually used in another student’s paper! Awesome voice too. The first few sentences made me laugh, in a good way that is. Nice work. I want to try something like this.
-Mitchell
mitchellwoll@hotmail.com

September 16, 2008 12:10 pm
illaria on whole page :

Helen,
I really enjoyed reading your paper. I particularly liked how you started with a story that had nothing to do with the writing classroom but the experience could still be applied to the concepts of your argument. It adds a unique twist and makes people think about how teachers should act no matter what class they are taking.
I also liked how you asked questions about the rolls of the teachers and students; about which came first.
Thank you for sharing your paper with me.
~Hilary

September 16, 2008 12:13 pm
Mitchell Woll on whole page :

Helen -
I really liked your essay. It does a good job not only proving Elbow’s argument drawing from a relatable childhood story, but also in the voice and language you use. I don’t know if I have any suggestions other than maybe breaking up the paragraphs some. You story shouldn’t get bogged down by big intimidating parapraghs.
Thanks for sharing you paper with me,
Mitchell
mitchellwoll@hotmail.com

September 16, 2008 12:17 pm
illaria on paragraph -1:

I really like the perspective you put on the roll of the teacher in the last paragraph. I think the students should not always attempt work that would fit the mold of the teacher.

September 16, 2008 12:22 pm
Jamie on paragraph 3:

I greatly enjoyed the opening paragraph! However, I think that perhaps the paragraph would flow better if broken into multiple paragraphs.

September 16, 2008 12:39 pm
Jamie on whole page :

Helen,
I really enjoyed your paper overall! I especially enjoyed the way you wrote your introduction and also how you tied it in later on.
I agree with Melissa though on one issue. Perhaps consider elaborating more on what you believe the role of a teacher should be besides “stabalizing” and not hindering creativity. Overall, very good job!
Thank you for sharing this with me.
-Jamie

September 16, 2008 12:47 pm
stra6907 on paragraph 1:

I really like your intro, the story captures the reader and is fun. However, the jump from your intro to the discussion on Elbow is a little abrupt.

September 16, 2008 1:06 pm
stra6907 on whole page :

Helen,
Your essay is really good and I liked that you could include so much of yourself in it. Your personal stories add so much. The idea of building the student-teacher relationship is not something I had thought about and I’m glad you put it out there.
Thanks for sharing your paper, and story, with me.
Kate

September 16, 2008 1:12 pm
holt8617 on whole page :

Helen,

Like the others, I really enjoyed the depth of the personal experience you shared in this paper. Your last paragraph is very strong and it does a great job of bringing an end to points you made throughout your paper. The whole thing was very readable and intelligent.

-John H.

September 16, 2008 1:54 pm
Kyle on whole page :

Helen,
Thanks yo so much for sharing your piece. I thought the organization throughout the paper was phenomenal. One thing that could use some improvement is the ending paragraph. It needs that…bang that keeps the reader thinking about it even after they are finished. Other than that, a great paper.
Thanks again!
-Kyle

September 16, 2008 2:21 pm
Mateja on paragraph 6:

I really like your use of Elbow’s “lost soul” point while still integrating your point. Also, your voice shines in this paragraph.

September 16, 2008 2:34 pm
Mateja on whole page :

Helen,
Thank you for sharing your paper with me. I love your writing style and voice throughout the whole paper. I would suggest actually suggesting a solution to the problem of the teacher in the classroom. But I look forward to reading more! Thanks!
Mateja McCune

September 16, 2008 2:39 pm
khac2072 on whole page :

Helen,

I love the example you used, at first I didn’t know where it was going but what your teacher did perfectly illustrates the fears Elbow has about a young writer having his ego destroyed by excess criticism. I think your thoughts at the end are too important to be left to conclusion though, you should expand on what you feel a teacher should be throughout the whole of the essay.

Thank you.

-Vartan Khachaturov

September 16, 2008 3:16 pm
khac2072 on paragraph 1:

Great story, although I’m not sure if it’s how you wrote it or the formatting of the blog, but it seems like it is long enough that it can be broken up into two paragraphs.

September 16, 2008 3:17 pm
zwic7726 on whole page :

Helen,
I like how you allude to your teacher in the beginning throughout the essay, that reinforces your stance in the debate. Including Bartholomae’s opinions about writing as a cross point will only push your opinion in this essay. Thank you for sharing with us,
Gerrek

September 16, 2008 3:19 pm
zwic7726 on paragraph 4:

when you say illegitimate, I am confused… I think you mean legitimate?

September 16, 2008 3:22 pm
zwic7726 on paragraph 7:

This is a great paragraph. I like your ending and the emphasis on what you are supporting.

September 16, 2008 3:24 pm
victoria on paragraph 1:

I enjoyed the story as an opening for your essay. You really put the reader into the piece. Though how a teacher mistakes something with “checkered feet” as anything other than and alien:) This story is interesting because of the parallels to conformity which many associate with academic writing as well as demonstrates the power of a teacher.

September 16, 2008 3:34 pm
victoria on paragraph 7:

I think you have an interesting point about stability and the teachers real role in a class room

September 16, 2008 3:38 pm
victoria on whole page :

Helen,
I enjoyed your paper quite a lot, especially the beginning. Also I thought your points were clear and thought out.
Thanks for sharing
- Victoria

September 16, 2008 3:44 pm
chibihi on whole page :

Helen,
I liked the first paragraph, the story about the alien and how the teacher said it was wrong. The paragraphs are a bit long, a scary concept for a person who writes really short paragraphs. Some of the longer paragraphs could be cut in half and still make perfect sense.
Thank you for sharing this essay.
Chantelle

September 16, 2008 4:29 pm
Lindsay on paragraph 1:

Helen-
I really like this intro to the paper. Its a great attention grabber and falls in great with the rest of your paper. I would also suggest making the transition into the paper a little bit mre smoother.
-Lindsay

September 16, 2008 6:29 pm
dra08 on whole page :

test post

September 18, 2008 11:17 am
Amanda on whole page :

Helen,
I enjoyed your paper a lot! Thank you for sharin! I was a little confused at wehre you were getting at in the intro paragraph but i was so entertained that I did not really care! I eventually saw where you were going and it was a very cool way of showing how you feel!
Amanda

September 18, 2008 7:31 pm
from Jeremy on whole page :

Helen your essay was very enjoyable. I liked the way you built up your thoughts in a sensible manner, which made it easy to follow. The childhood experience was very successfully used because it is something just about anybody can relate to. I also thought your conclusion was very direct and concise, and it helped bring the main point back into to focus because you talked about so many important things in the paper. Well done.

September 23, 2008 2:01 pm
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